1. Someone with medical competency who can generate a cure.
2. Weapons and ammunition, and a manufacturing facility.
3. A secure underground living headquarters.
4. A diverse population, capable of reproducing.
5. An army that is willing and able to exterminate infected homo sapiens.
6. An impenetrable and reliable aquifer/renewable water source.
7. Technology that will make it possible to grow fresh, organic, non-gmo foods in an underground greenhouse.
8. Engineers, medics, machinists, orthodontists, farmers, linguists, scribes, and childcare providers.
9. A clothing facility.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Here, fishy fishy fishy!
I feel like a salmon (sAAmun) and everywhere I turn there's fucking bears. Black bears. Polar bears. Grizzlies. Fucking Koala bears. Shit, even panda bears that decided to drop the bamboo-eatin', ruminating like a cow, sit on their ass attitude and take a walk on the wild side to try some upstream swimming, return to your home at the end of a ridiculously perilous journey, lay your eggs and die from exhaustion fucking SALMON. SHIT.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Quirky nicknames I call my daughter
This is just for my personal record, although you may find it amusing...
Goober, McGoober
Stinker, Stinkalla, Stinky, Stinkah
Skippy-Trippy, Skippalla-Trippalla, Skippalina
Sweaty-Betty
McDaphstein
Koocamunga
Crazy Loca Chica
Cocomo
Noodle-head
Blondie
Goober, McGoober
Stinker, Stinkalla, Stinky, Stinkah
Skippy-Trippy, Skippalla-Trippalla, Skippalina
Sweaty-Betty
McDaphstein
Koocamunga
Crazy Loca Chica
Cocomo
Noodle-head
Blondie
Friday, September 21, 2012
Mini match maker
At the park last night, a very adorable hispanic girl, about the same age as my daughter, came up to me and sat next to me on the park bench. My daughter and I had been there for about an hour, and would soon be leaving. I turned to the little girl, smiled, said hi and gave a polite wave - the kind that adults give to cute little children they don't know. She said hi back to me, and pointed to a man she announced as "my daddy" - her father, who was standing nearby on the footpath. Earlier, as I had been blogging while my daughter played, the man she identified as her father had been sitting next to me on the bench, toying with his cell phone as well. I looked at him sheepishly, and said "Hello." He said "Hi," and smiled back, awkwardly. Then, I looked down at his hand. No ring. His daughter was trying to set us up! If you've ever seen Super Troopers, you know it's hard to make a dark man blush, but this hispanic guy did. I called my daughter over, and we got washed up and left. I felt bad for the guy that he must have been embarrassed, and it was cute of his daughter to try assuming the role of cupid, but I am very thankful that my daughter does not subject me to such uncomfortable situations with adult men!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Volunteer appreciation month
I'm going to be in a video. No, not that kind of video. Of all the things, I might be in a video for volunteer appreciation month at Lakewood church. And all I had to do was show up, which I do each Sunday with my daughter since moving back to Houston. I didn't audition, I didn't sign up. We were literally walking in the door, and a tall, handsom man opened the door and very quickly explained that he was filming a video for volunteer appreciation month and could I please just walk in and take the program/pamphlet from the greeter. Let me explain something: this church is enormous, and every week, hundreds of volunteers assist with the general functions of the services. They hand out programs as they greet the parishioners, they serve as deacons, they sing in the choir. There are probably a myriad other positions they fill in order for church to operate successfully. I replied, "sure," and went inside. The woman said "Good morning," as she handed me a pamphlet, and I replied in kind. Then she said "God bless you," and I said, "God bless you, as well." Then Daphne and I went up the stairs. Now, I have met with Joel Osteen twice now, both times very briefly, succinctly speaking about the situations his ministry has, and would, see me through. He knew that I would be driving across the country to deal with family issues in Boston. I know he told Victoria about my prior relationship problems with my daughter's father, because she addressed the topic of women being mistreated before the offering collection several weeks after I spoke with her husband for the first time. And all I can think to myself is that Joel is going to see me on tape and be beside himself, because honestly there are THOUSANDS of people who attend his services. Actually, if he does see it, I am going to be the one beside myself. And I am stating all this with the utmost humility and reverence to God, and thanking Him for all the remarkable events and occurrences that happen in my life.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Washing my sins away, one day at a time
(The picture below is my shower curtain, splattered with paint at the hotel I am staying at)
2 Chronicles 34:31 - "And the king stood in his place and made a covenant before the Lord, to walk after the Lord and to keep his commandments and his testimonies and his statutes, with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of the covenant that were written in this book."
Well, what does it look like to you?
2 Chronicles 34:31 - "And the king stood in his place and made a covenant before the Lord, to walk after the Lord and to keep his commandments and his testimonies and his statutes, with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of the covenant that were written in this book."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Conversing with nature
Going grocery shopping with a three-year-old precocious child is a constant challenge. Tack on living on the third floor, being a single parent, and the middle of summer in Texas, and the potential exists for debacles of magnificent proportions. So far, I have been blessed not to have a grocery bag tear as I surmount the two flights of stairs to our temporary dwelling. Additionally, I discovered that, strategically, it is much more efficient to conduct our shopping trips at night, around 8pm, for numerous reasons. These reasons include much smaller crowds (which typically affords the premium available parking spots, not to mention less congestion in the aisles), less street traffic, and cooler temperatures when transporting the groceries both to and from the car. Recently, my daughter and I went on one of these late evening excursions. After putting everything away, I needed to return to the car to retrieve some items. As I climbed the stairs going back, I came upon some of Texas summers' flying inhabitants. I picked up the first cicada in an effort to rescue him from a crunchy death at the underside of a misplaced shoe. He wasn't too delighted with his sudden immobilization, and proceeded to buzz at me loudly enough to startle me, causing me to drop him. In classic "me" character, I buzzed back, retorting, "I dont know what you're so upset about. It ain't like you got bills to pay!" He didn't fall, but instead flew off, touching down after several moments of chaotic flight onto a covered light. "Good," I exclaimed. "At least now you won't get squished!" As I ascended the subsequent flight of stairs, lo and behold there was another green summer cicada at the top landing. Being of naturalistic servitude, I again attempted to save the diminutive creature from certain doom. Picking him up, I intended to transport him to a secure location. Again, the insect was less than content with this arrangement, and flew into my face. I screamed and then burst out laughing at myself. At least they don't bite
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